


Make Me

by Saxony55



Category: David Cook (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-01-14 00:40:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1246273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saxony55/pseuds/Saxony55
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>David has it bad for both of his band mates</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago and had it posted on David Cook forums that I belonged to. Have been writing some new stuff with new fandoms lately, but figured I'd post some of my older stuff.

It’s hard, and yes pun intended on that one, but seriously this shit is hard. I mean sure I’m a platinum selling recording artist that made a couple million dollars last year. And yes that is way better than when I was getting paid peanuts to sling drinks back in the day, but this pretending to be someone I’m not is killing me inside. I mean sure I’m the lovable word nerd from Missouri, and I still am that guy, but I have secrets weighing down on me. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold in my feelings especially when the issue is always right there in my face, both of them constantly with me.

I can’t tell my family because I just don’t think they would understand and unfortunately my best friends, well they happen to be the problem. I could talk to Andy; there is history there so it should be so simple. It’s so obvious that I should just tell him what is on my mind, but he wouldn’t understand the other half of my problem. That knowledge would only upset him and the last thing I want is to hurt him.

I’m living in a world of make believe. I put on my happy face for the cameras and the fans, but deep inside I’m miserable, I’m unhappy, I’m so lovesick that it’s making me crazy. I want them both. It’s this sick, twisted world where I’m jonesing for my two best friends all the time. Andy was my first love, and I broke his heart, and now this huge part of me wants him back. The issue is I’ve recently started to have feelings for Neal. I mean Neal is straight, he’s very straight so I should just shove that idea out of my head, and believe me I’ve tried, but I can’t. If only my heart and my body could just agree to disagree because my heart longs for Andy, but my body WANTS Neal. Bad. And I can’t tell anyone that I’m gay. I mean RCA would kill me for that one. I’m David Fucking Cook. Rockstar. I’m supposed to be out fucking women every single night, not I repeat not, dreaming of my two band mates and all the things I want to do to them.


	2. Well nevermore will I catch myself in the net of a heartache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy's POV

I wonder if he knows how difficult it is for me to stand next to him every night on stage. I wonder if he even cares. I watch him pour his heart and soul out into every song; I watch the way the girls scream for him, wanting him the same way that I do. He plays to them, giving them what they want, flirting with them with his smile, his words, his tongue, the caress of the mic stand, his lips pressed against the microphone. Believe me I notice it all too. Hell he even toys with me, the way he shoots seducing glances my way, presses his strong body against mine, even the way he goes over and flirts with Neal. I seriously think he does it all just to fuck with me.

Maybe I shouldn’t have taken this job, maybe I shouldn’t have taken his call that day. There I was minding my own business trying to get over him, trying to move on with my career, and he goes and calls me. His promises of the big time, touring, making our music again to huge crowds won me over and I agreed. There are times when I regret that decision. I think back on how we were before; before he left me to pursue his dreams, before he won that stupid show, before we revolved around each other instead of with each other. I miss him.

Things were simpler back in Tulsa; no one ever suspected that after the show and the lights were down we found our way into each other’s arms. I could get lost in that man for hours and believe me I did. We played the parts of best friends really well; we dated women, would even set up fake feuds between each other all in the name of keeping our secret safe. Our families, friends, the band, our small legion of fans wouldn’t have understood that behind closed doors we were lovers. 

It was the best year of my life, but then he up and decided that it was all too much, that I was holding him back, and that his career as a solo artist was out there waiting for him. He left me for his music, which is probably the only other love that I would have understood, but I didn’t. I hated him for so long, and yet when he got that show I couldn’t help but watch ever episode and vote like crazy for the man that I loved. I guess I had some sick twisted notion that after he got everything he wanted that he would come back for me, and in a way he did. I mean I am back in his life, but now as just his band mate, his friend, someone who helps hide his secret and mine.

There have been a few times that I almost went to him in the dead of the night, or thought of telling him how much I still love him, but I can’t. It always goes back to the fact that he left me, he broke my heart, and I’m still healing from it. There are still days that I take three showers just so I have a place alone to cry because it’s so damn hard to see him every single second of the day. Of course I wouldn’t change it even if I could because having this experience with him, sharing all of his dreams is something that I would never give up. The only thing that would make it better, that could fix all of this is if we were sharing it together as a couple. 

I literally dream at night of an alternate reality where we are still together and in love as ever, where after the show we find our way to the back of the bus, remove our sweaty clothing, and fall into bed together wrapped in the sheets, kissing, touching, and making love. Then I wake up alone and hear him snoring a few beds back from me. It pains me that he is so close and yet still so far away from being with me. I wonder if he ever has the same dreams or if he is too caught up in being the rock star to care about me anymore.


	3. Room for Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neal's POV

Different day, strange city, same shit all over again. I think we’re in Phoenix, or maybe Houston. Fuck I can’t remember how I ended up back in my hotel room with these two gorgeous women much less what city I’m in. I wake up slightly hung over on Jack, my best mate, and find myself nestled between a fiery red head and raven haired temptress. I’ve got a hard on the size of Texas, but I have to piss so bad, that I decide the bathroom is the better decision right now.

Somehow I stumble to the toilet and fuck it feels good to pee. I look around noticing beer bottles and women’s lingerie and remember getting some fanfuckingtastic head in the shower late last night. I’m pretty sure it was the red head. I walk out into the hotel suite and it looks even more trashed than the bathroom. Joey is passed out on the couch, and I can hear Kyle’s snoring from down the hall. 

I turn back into my room and open the door to find the last thing I ever expected. My boss, my best friend, is getting his cock sucked by a dude. I close my eyes, turn around, and run right into the door. I know immediately that I’ve walked into the wrong room and hopefully also candid camera or the twilight zone because I can’t explain what I just saw. I mean what the fuck was David doing with a guy. There is no way he’s gay, is he?

My mind is spinning, literally. I know I’ve got two drop dead gorgeous women waiting to please me if I just ask, but I can’t deal with them right now. I mean I just saw David with his dick in some guys mouth. I think I’m permanently scarred, probably blind by this. I’m hoping I just drank way too much last night and my mind is playing tricks on me.

Then as his bedroom door opens and some guy who looks like a Zac Efron clone walks out and exits our suite and I know that I am wide fucking awake. “Neal, come here”, David is standing there in his doorway looking scared as shit. Fuck why did I have to walk in the wrong damn room.

I’m rubbing my temple, and playing nervously with my lip rings as I walk into Dave’s room. The bed is in complete disarray, the comforters on the floor, and I don’t even want to think of what went on in this room last night. David’s got his hands stuck in his pockets and he’s just looking around like a crazy person. I break the silence, “What the fuck, man?”

“I’m really sorry you had to find out this way. I probably should have told you years ago”

“Years ago? What are you talking about?”

“Neal, I’m uh, damn it this is hard to say out loud. I’m gay”

“What?”

“Did I stutter? I’m gay”

“But you like girls, I’ve seen you go out with lots of them”

“It’s all an act. I feel like an ass for not just coming out sooner”

“Does anybody know?”

“Just Andy, and now you”

“Fuck, I’m going to need some time to process this, I mean we’re still cool and all, but fuck man. This was the last thing I expected to hear or see this morning”

“Yea, you walking in on me like that wasn’t exactly on my list of things to do today, but you’re my best friend and we work together so are you sure that we’re okay?”

“Yea, yea for sure, I just need a minute okay?”

“Okay, take your time, just don’t tell anyone, please”

“No man I wouldn’t. Secrets safe and all that”

I walked out of that room more confused than ever in my life. I thought about heading back to bed and fucking the life out of those two women, but I needed clarity and the one person I thought could give it to me was down the hall. I went to find Andy. I hoped he was awake, and I hoped he could give me the answers I needed to make sense of this.


	4. You'll find out someday I know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy's POV

His kisses were sweet on my skin, his giggle made me smile, his hands ran over me making me feel whole again, and then I heard Neal’s voice ringing in my head telling me to wake up. I’m pulled from my dreams of David to a very disturbed looking Neal sitting on my bed and I’m praying he doesn’t notice my morning wood under the covers. My fingers run over my face and through my hair, “What is it? What’s going on?” Something had to be going on because Neal never comes into my room at 8am to wake me up unless something is wrong, or he needs something.

“Wake up; I need to talk to you”

“Okay, okay, I’m awake”, I sit up in bed wondering what he needs to talk to me about this early in the morning.

“I just found out about David”

“Found out what about David”

“That he’s gay”

Okay I might have half heartedly said that I was awake, but after those words coming from Neal’s mouth I am now fully awake. “What? How?”

“I walked in on him and some guy, believe me that was not what I wanted to see first thing this morning”

His words cut me to the quick; David had been with some guy, someone else, someone that wasn’t me. I mean I knew it was probable, but thinking it might be and knowing it is are two completely different things. I couldn’t get the image out of my head now. My David and somebody else in this hotel suite, just a few feet away, I was gutted by this knowledge, but I had to get back to Neal’s dilemma right now. “So what exactly did you see?” Why am I asking for details?

“It was quick, but there was a guy going down on David. I mean how could I have not known this? We talked and all, and he told me you knew. I just need a little clarity man”

I really didn’t want to hear that, but now Neal knew, but how much did he know. I’m guessing he doesn’t know about me, but I’m not sure how much David told him. “So he told you, then? What did he say?”

“Just that he’s gay, that all the women is a big act, and that you knew. How long have you known?”

“Since back in Tulsa. A while now I guess”

“That long? So what, you walk in on him too?”

“Uh no”

“So then he just told you? I can’t believe he trusts you more than me. What do I look like some fucking homophobe or something?”

“No, no he didn’t just out and tell me”

“Then how?”

Now I’d stuck my foot in my mouth, because the truth was going to get me pulled into this. But he knows about David now, so I might as well just come out with all of it, “I ran into him in a club, a gay club”

“Why the hell were you in a gay club?”

“Well, truth is, I’m gay too”

I’ve never seen someone leap off a bed so fast before as I watched Neal scramble for balance in an unknown world, “What the fuck, are you two messing with me?”

“No, it’s all true”

“How in the hell did I not know?”

“We’re pretty good at hiding it”

“You’re both gay? My two best friends are gay and I never knew. It’s all been one big lie.”

“Hey now our friendship isn’t a lie, we may have left out our sexuality, but that isn’t who we are. We are still the same two guys you’ve always known”

“I know, this is just weird. So wait a minute, did the two of you, you know ever?”

“Yea, we were together for a little over a year before he left the band”

“Are you fucking serious?”

I laughed at this point, I just couldn’t help it because the poor guy looked so confused, “Completely”

“The two of you were together?”

“Yea, we were in love”

“Love? Fuck I have to sit down”, I watched him sit back on the edge of my bed, with his head in his hands. “Fuck I need a cigarette. Later man, I just have to process”

I watched him walk out and I wondered what I should do. I had three options, follow him, go back to bed, or go talk to David. I did what my heart told me to do and marched straight to David’s room I just prayed that he was alone.


	5. Maybe the truth will illuminate the way to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David's POV

How did this happen? Why didn’t I lock the door? How could I have been so careless? He knows. Neal now knows. He seemed pretty freaked out by my little revelation. I don’t know what I was expecting, maybe somewhere a part of me was hoping he’d take me in his arms, kiss me, and tell me that he was secretly gay too. Wow I’m freaking delusional. He couldn’t get out of here fast enough, away from me, away from the evidence that his friend is a freak. 

I knew when I brought that guy back here last night that it was a bad idea, but I just needed a release that wasn’t from my own hand. He had been too gorgeous to resist, he was just standing there leaning against the back wall of that bar. His tank top so tight, his eyes so blue, his lips, well don’t get me started on that man’s lips. Neal was too wrapped up in his women, the other guys too drunk to notice, and Andy hadn’t been there. It had almost been too easy to slip my hotel room number in his pocket and let him in after everyone was asleep. Now I’m suffering the consequences of my actions, for every action there is definitely a reaction and Neal’s was all I cared about at the moment.

My head is in my hands, I’m so confused, on the verge of tears, and a knock on my door drags me out of my worries. “Who is it?”

“It’s Andy”

I’m not sure why he’s at my door this early in the morning, and he’s probably the last person I should see when I’m like this, but he’s also the only one I can talk to, so I open the door. The minute I see his face I know that he knows. I could always read him like a book. I watch him walk in as I shut the door and lock it this time. No one needs to walk in on this conversation. “So Neal came to talk to you, didn’t he?”

“Yea, and I ended up telling him about us”

“About us, why?”

“He wanted to know how long I knew, and how I found out, and I figured if he knew about you I shouldn’t keep my secret any longer. It all just came out. He’s really confused, he thinks it’s all been one big lie”

“Fuck”

“I know, you shouldn’t have brought someone back to your room like that”, I could hear the jealousy dripping in his words and it made me sick to my stomach knowing how I’d hurt him by doing that.

“I know, it was stupid. I guess I just needed someone”

“Yea I know the feeling, the road is lonely”

God I just wanted to close the space between us and take him in my arms, but my feet were grounded where they were. “So where is he now?”

“He said he needed a cigarette and time to think. Knowing Neal he’s walking the streets right now”

I nodded my head unsure of what to say, what to do, my heart was pounding in my chest at the feeling that things were changing. “Think he’ll be okay?”

“Eventually, he just needs to come to his own terms with it. He’ll just need time and space, so don’t pressure him.”

“I won’t”

“I guess I’ll go back to bed then, are you okay with this? I mean with him knowing and all”

“I guess I have to be. Besides it’s all my fault. I should be asking if you’re okay with it”

“It hasn’t hit me yet, that he knows. I think I’m still half asleep. You know me I’ll freak out about it later tonight, probably when we’re on stage”

I laughed knowing how true that statement was and couldn’t help but see the lust in his eyes as he watched me. I noticed how tired he looked, the way his dark hair tried to hide his eyes from me, the way he nervously tugged at his shirt hem. I walked towards him absentmindedly brushing the hair off his face. He looked even more nervous averting his big brown eyes to the floor. His name came off my lips as more of a hushed whisper, “Andy”, he looked up at me our eyes meeting and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning forward and tasting him. It was just as I had remembered; he was still just as soft, just as sweet. I closed my eyes as my tongue swept across his lips and into his mouth. He moaned out into my mouth and for just that instant I felt like I was home.


	6. It was a little too late, and I don't know why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy's POV

He felt like heaven on my lips, his breath hot on my skin, his hands in my hair. I’ve wanted this for so long, but I pushed him away from me. I’m not even sure why, but my hands went to his chest and shoved him backwards. I needed more than a kiss, and some notion that it was going to be okay. I needed him to tell me that I was the only one for him. I needed an apology. I needed words, and begging, and him on his knees pleading for my forgiveness. I wasn’t about to just make this easy for him. The problem was that the hurt in his eyes as he looked up at me killed me, that look literally tore my heart out of my chest. I wanted him, but I wanted him to fight for me too. I just wasn’t sure if that was something he was capable of.

“Sorry, it won’t happen again”

I actually thought about telling him that I wanted it to happen again, but I threw up my walls to protect my heart, “Fine, I’m going back to bed. See you at sound check” and I walked away my hand in a fist, my head held high, and my heart torn into pieces. Part of me wanted to go back in there and find his warm lips again. I’d missed the feel of him against me and the way he held me so tight yet so soft all at the same time. 

I had every good intention of sleeping when I got back to my room, but all I could think about was him and that kiss. It had stirred up so many feelings and mainly it had stirred an arousal out of me. So I locked my door, shrugged off my clothes, and fell back onto the bed. I grabbed the lotion from my bedside table, closed my eyes, and took things into my own hands as usual. The difference was I could still taste him and as I stroked myself I replayed that kiss, his hands, all of it over and over in my head. I could see him in my mind as if he were here with me hovering over me. I imagined my hand was his hand touching me, caressing me, and before I knew it I was cumming all over my chest whispering his name out into the silence of my room.

Sound check was different. Neal was there, but he wasn’t there. He barely looked at either of us, and after the kiss David and I barely looked at each other either. I’m sure Joey and Kyle wondered what in the hell was going on and we should probably tell them, but the awkward factor between Neal and us now was more than we could handle at the moment. We just went through the motions and got through it as quickly as possible. There were only a few more hours until show time and I prayed we all got our shit together before then or this concert would probably be our worst.

I knew I had to go talk to Neal. I had to at least try to smooth everything over. I’m pretty much the peace keeper in the band, and well I had a lot of work to do. I found him right where I knew he would be, right outside the bus, cigarette in hand. He really should quit those damn things; they’re going to kill him someday. “Hey so can we talk?”

He glared at me taking a long drag off his Marlboro, “Yea, what’s up?”

“Neal you know what’s up, how are you handling it? Are we all good, or do you have more questions?”

“I’m dealing, but I do have one question, what happened between you and Dave? I mean you two are obviously not together now, so what went wrong?”

I so didn’t want to have this conversation with him, but I wanted to be open with Neal now that he knew the truth, “He chose career over love”

“So he left you to go do Idol?”

“Before Idol actually, he decided he needed to pursue his solo career and that being gay and attached would only make things more difficult.”

“And you were cool with that?”

“No, and I’m still not, but it is what it is”

“How do you work and live with him then?”

“It’s hard, but I do it. He’s still my friend, but he’s also an ex that broke my heart. We’ve managed to put it aside for now and work on the music. It’s always been both of our dreams. I guess I should feel lucky I get to share it with him.”

Neal can come off as a hard ass sometimes, and if you don’t know him he could probably look a little scary, but he’s seriously one of the nicest, most loyal people I know. So as he crossed the space between us and tossed his arm over my shoulders pulling me into him, I knew everything was going to be okay. “You know he’s an idiot for leaving you, right?”

I laughed, tossing my arm around him, “Yea, man I know, and thanks for reminding me”. He gave me a huge bear hug, ruffled my hair with his hand, and smacked me on the ass as I walked back towards the bus. I felt at ease knowing I had one down and one more to go before show time.


	7. It's not that easy when you're guilty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> David's POV

This day had gone nothing like I’d thought it would. I mean I never expected for Neal to walk in on me like that, I never expected to end up kissing Andy, and I never expected for him to push me away like he did. That was the hardest part of the day, feeling his hands pushing me away from him. It reminded me how far apart we really are now. I’m trying to catch a few moments of piece as I stick my earphones into my ears and shut my eyes. His voice still soothes me,

“Driving down a one way street underneath the Austin sky, your hair was 1000 miles away stuck on the 405. There’s a fine line between what you want and what you got, I guess. Never really had you.”

I’ve listened to this song probably 100 times by now, but it still rings so true. He never said it, but I know this song is about me. It pains me to know he feels this way like he doesn’t believe how much I loved him. How walking away from him was the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. 

“You were half way in, but you were always running out. Don’t think this ever could have lasted, cause you were always going just a little faster. I don’t think you ever saw into my Texas world. My pretty little LA girl”

I hate that I’m the chick in this song, but I get it. I see the meaning behind it so clearly. I was on the fast track with my career and I just left him in the dust. This song is a metaphor for how I chose LA over him. A lot of the songs on his EP reminded me of me, just like so many of my songs end up being about him. I wonder if he listens to my lyrics wondering if there for him or not the same way that I do his.

“Rolling out across the desert after a long goodbye, but you can’t say we didn’t give it one hell of a try. That day in Santa Fe where I almost turned this car around, but baby we both know. This never ever could have lasted”

I always smile when he sings about us giving it one hell of a try because we did. It may have been a year, but we loved a lifetimes worth in that year. I still wonder if I hadn’t been so selfish if it could have lasted. Could we have made it? The chorus went on in my ears as I relived moments with him in my mind.

“You were halfway in, but you were always running out” 

The music cut off abruptly and I opened my eyes to see Andy standing over me with my ipod in his hand. I took the earbuds from my ears and just looked up at him. “What the fuck, man?”

“I called your name out, but you didn’t answer”, he glanced at the screen, “So how often do you listen to me?”

“I don’t know, a lot I guess, why did you come back here?” This was my area on the bus, and Andy never came back here.

“I need to talk to you before the concert. I don’t want any more weirdness between us. Sound check was bad enough; we can’t do that in front of a live audience”

“Yea”, I ran my hand through my hair, I could feel the sweat on my brow; he was making me nervous standing over me so I stood up off the bed shoving my hands in my pockets, “sorry about that. I just, you know, after we kissed, sorry about that.”

“David just say what you want to say okay? Look we have history and we’ve been able to work through it and today was a speed bump, but you’re still my best friend and I talked to Neal and I think he’s come around. He’ll be okay, now will we?”

“Of course we will, I guess kissing you just reminded me how much I miss us”

“Yea, I miss it too, but remember this is what you wanted”

“I know, but lately, I don’t know, maybe it’s not what I want anymore. Maybe I realized I was an idiot.”

He looked up at me with those big eyes of his with what looked like a mix of hope and fear all at the same time, “Are you serious?”

“What if I was? Would you be open to being with me again?”

“I never stopped loving you, you have to know that, but we can’t just go back and start all over again. You would have to show me that you’re serious.”

“You need me to prove myself to you?”

“Yea, that would be nice for a change. You having to work and put in some effort for me.”

I was smiling like a moron, I knew I was and I couldn’t wipe the shit eating grin off my face, but as he put his finger in my belt loop and tugged me against him I didn’t care.


End file.
